Friday, 28 December 2007

Bitten off more than I can chew ?

Right, its 18 days since I last posted. I have just come back from a "run" of 4 miles. I spent most of it crying. Since my illness I have found it very difficult to get back into this. I have lost a certain amount of fitness, but I think if my head was in the right place I would be ok. The problem is that my head is definitely not in the right place.

I cannot get any enthusiasm and am beginning to view myself as one big fat failure. I feel so weary. This training is just relentless and I am wondering if I am just going to end up failing. I keep going out and covering the miles, but its hard to run them all.

I keep thinking " Who do you think you are ? You will never do this. " I try to be positive, but the negative thoughts keep piling into my head. I see myself as short and fat and not successful. I know I need to sort myself out. I tried to imagine Jonnie and Sally running alongside me today, but that just made me cry.

I am not going to give up. Ever. If I have to walk round then I will. But I wanted to do this well. Bloody Hell, this is soooooo frustrating.

2 comments:

Sue said...

Hi Sarah,

Sorry to hear you're going through a bad patch but it happens to us all. I'm sure you will pass through it soon. You're probably still feeling a bit rough from your illness.

I would suggest that you join a jogging club. I get tremendous support from my club and find their friendship and encouragement an enormous help.

Don't give up - you have come so far!

Sarah said...

Hi Sue !! Thanks for this. I did belong to my local running club, but I can't get along to their meets now as the boys do so many activities in the evenings.I do still see some of them around and they are great.Don't worry, I won't give up. xx