Right, its 18 days since I last posted. I have just come back from a "run" of 4 miles. I spent most of it crying. Since my illness I have found it very difficult to get back into this. I have lost a certain amount of fitness, but I think if my head was in the right place I would be ok. The problem is that my head is definitely not in the right place.
I cannot get any enthusiasm and am beginning to view myself as one big fat failure. I feel so weary. This training is just relentless and I am wondering if I am just going to end up failing. I keep going out and covering the miles, but its hard to run them all.
I keep thinking " Who do you think you are ? You will never do this. " I try to be positive, but the negative thoughts keep piling into my head. I see myself as short and fat and not successful. I know I need to sort myself out. I tried to imagine Jonnie and Sally running alongside me today, but that just made me cry.
I am not going to give up. Ever. If I have to walk round then I will. But I wanted to do this well. Bloody Hell, this is soooooo frustrating.